For Bi-racial and Black baby dolls, Big Lots, it is

They even have curly hair!

Apparently, Big Lots stocks the most variety for baby dolls with different shades of brown skin. I've mentioned on my blog before my annoyance with all the big stores, HEB, Target, and Walmart, for not stocking baby dolls with skin shades other than White.

I found one of Annika's first Bi-racial baby dolls at a Big Lots in Michigan. 

Most of the time, general stores, like HEB, Walmart, and Target have absolutely zero Black dolls other than Barbies and if they stock Bratz dolls, they usually have a few Latina or Blasian dolls. Those types of dolls (Barbies and Bratz, not Latina and Blasian) piss me off for a variety of other reasons, having nothing to do with color and more to do with the sexual nature of playthings for small children who are not supposed to have sexual desires yet. But that's a whole other topic folks. 

Tonight I stopped in at the Big Lots (for Austinites, William Cannon and I-35 store) to pick up a couple of things. As usual, when I am in any store that carries toys, and I'm by myself, I browse the toy aisles, getting ideas for presents and seeing if there is anything on sale.

Let me tell ya folks, (and no, I am not getting paid to write this) Big Lots had quite a nice variety of Brown baby dolls. The best thing was that they had a variety of Brown-skinned dolls.

It wasn't so much, "Oh wow, they actually have a Black or Brown skinned baby doll." It was, "Damn, they have so many I have to choose which one I want."

That never happens folks.

So, big plug tonight for Big Lots. If you're in Austin and wanting a dark-skinned baby doll, head on over. They have several to choose from.

I bough two for Christmas. Pretty. Damn. Happy.

Christmas, lies, and Santa stories

I apparently hit some nerves with my recent post about changing my mind on the topic of Santa.

I posted this on the API Speaks website where I am a contributing blogger and I got a link back from another site talking about how she never lied to her daughter and is glad for it (even though her daughter told her she wished her parents had not told her the truth). I also got several comments that said they didn't agree with me. Not surprising. It wasn't long ago that one of those comments would have been written by me. 

I suppose I should have been more specific about what I plan to tell Annika. I wasn't specific purposely because I have only recently had this change of heart and I don't know exactly what I'll tell her.

Generally, (since I know myself and my propensity for research and details) I will likely tell her the historical viewpoint of Santa and Christmas. I will talk to her about  what other cultures believe. I will read varying Christmas books to her and find classic Christmas videos to watch with her.

And then with a sense of mystery that engages her creativity and magical spirit, I will tell her that Santa that is real but I will do so in a way that helps her realize that he is magical and that he is not real in the sense that we are real.

Many parenting booksI've read talk about how play and fantasy are important to childhood development. It makes sense. Play acting and fantasy are how children relieve stress and work through issues that are too complex to understand.

To me the Santa fantasy is a good idea because it encourages the childhood version of the idea that sometimes dreams do come true and even though something seems impossible, doesn't mean it isn't true.

I remember not only believing in Santa and loving the mystery, I also remember fantasizing about unicorns, witches, elves, and being able to fly.

One of the reasons I changed my mind about Santa is because I have read plenty of parenting books that have made me realize that adults too often treat children as small adults. Many parents I've run into seem to think that children should understand everything the way they do.

But children aren't small adults who have come to understand the world through mature and experienced eyes. Children are still learning about the world. Fantasy helps them understand and learn what the world is like without it being too harsh and practical.

For instance, what does the Santa fantasy help them understand?

A place where the possibilities they have been dreaming of can come to fruition. A deep and unconditional love for all human beings. Flying reindeer.... oh wait.

Maybe some kids don't need that particular fantasy. All parents have to make that decision for their families.

But fantasy and magic are a part of our world, even if some adults have forgotten it.

Hell, a little part of me still believes in unicorns.

Christmas shopping brings out the feminist in me

When Annika was an infant I decided not to let Annika be one of those babies whose sex people were constantly trying to guess because of gender neutral clothing. Even though I did not rush out and buy a ton of pink frilly clothes, I gladly accepted and dressed Annika in the ones that were given as gifts. When buying stuff I tended toward purple and red, still pretty girly colors I suppose.

But even so, I consider myself a feminist, a strong female and a mom who will always attempt to avoid defining my daughter's gender for her. I have been trying to pay close attention to the type of toys I buy for Annika. She has balls and trucks, crayons and paper, chalk, baby dolls, animals and Legos. Pretty standard stuff for a 19 month old. And other than the baby dolls, very gender neutral toys. Anyway, a lot of boys have dolls too nowadays.

On the other hand, I don't want her to feel like she can't be girly if she wants to. I just don't want it to be thrust upon her. I am not particularly girly and sometimes I wish I was a little bit more.

When I made her Christmas list I did not think anything of the items I listed: farm animals, play kitchen, table and chair set, play dishes and play food, and a Big Wheel.

I knew in the back of my mind that there were a few other items that I wanted to get her, but these were the main things I wanted to get her. These were not items I just randomly chose by the way, but items I have picked specifically because I have seen her play with them at other people's houses and seem to enjoy them tremendously.

Then I began shopping. Big Lots was my first stop to see where the prices on play kitchens started.

I saw a nice little kitchen cookware set with a pot, a pan, and a steam kettle. It was only $7, so I threw it in the cart. That would go nicely with her play kitchen.

Then I saw a housekeeping set. What caught my eye in this was the tiny broom. Annika loves brooms. She always wants to sweep with our big broom and when we visit my parents she plays with the little chimney broom they keep by the fireplace. So I snatched it up for only $10.

On my way out of the store I was feeling good about my purchases and then it hit me.

Everything on the Christmas list except for the animals and the Big Wheel were Little Fucking Susie Homemaker items. WTF!

Ok, now I'm confused.

Does she like these items simply because that's what is developmentally appropriate? Or does she like these items because that's what everyone else has and so that's just what she's been exposed to? Or does she like them because she sees me using them?

When I got home I inspected the two things I purchased. The cookware I can live with. The pots and kettle are red and shiny and very basic. The name of the set is simply 6 pcs Kitchen Cookware Set.

But looking at the housekeeping set I'm pretty nauseated by the packaging and marketing and I'm considering returning it out of sheer feminazi principles.

The whole damn thing is swathed in pink. The picture on the front is a blonde little girl dressed in pink smiling happily holding the sponge and mop. But the worst part is the name. Just Like Mom's.

Yeah, and it's on stickers on every item in the box too.

Why does it have to be Just Like Mom's?

Why can't it be Just Like Dad's?

But really, why can't it just be named, Housecleaning Stuff or some other neutral name kind of thing?

And while we're at it, why can't the picture be of a boy holding the damn mop and sponge?

I'm particularly sensitive to marketing like this because a few years ago when I was in school (the second time around, so not that long ago) I did a paper on gender roles in the media.

I'm not going to go all manifesto on you but the gist of all the research was that the media is still very behind the times on how women are portrayed, particularly in the areas of advertising and sports. Even more specifically, in advertising, cleaning products are way behind the times and still portray women in these roles almost 100 percent of the time. The studies also noted that it is likely that gender roles are influenced heavily, if not completely defined, by what we see in the media.

I'm not writing this thinking that most people who are even semi-literate aren't aware of this nowadays, but apparently this shit still sells. And even worse, I can't believe I have become numbed to some of it.

I'm also not foolish enough to think that one Christmas toy will set off a chain of events that will leave Annika wearing hair rollers and an apron most of her life.

I know that Annika will likely be influenced by what she sees in the media, but I also know that she will be even more influenced by what she sees me do.

If I buy into this tired stereotype, then what am I telling my daughter? That it's okay to allow our society to continue to accept this sexist attitude towards women and girls?

I've also read that women, (specifically women in my age group) actually have somewhere around 80 percent of the buying power in a household. (In my household I have 100 percent. Hmph.)

So what does that tell me? Well, it tells me that even though I certainly can't control what advertisers do, I can control the messages that come into my home. I don't want that drippy, sweet passive imagery to invade my household and my daughter's view of the world.

So yeah, I'm going to return it. Now if I can just find the damn receipt.

Managing the space/time continuum of toddlerhood

Lately I've been wishing that time would stand still for a few minutes every day.

I haven't been watching Heroes this season, but I watched the first three seasons religiously and my favorite character, hands down, was Hiro Nakamura, the guy who could manipulate space and time. I loved the idea that he could move through time and stop it when it suited him. Well, that and he's just freakin' adorable.

Since Annika has made the leap from infancy to toddlerhood I have been missing the infant days. Not just because it was slower, but because now I can see that Annika really will grow up. During the infant stage she needed me so much and was so helpless that it seemed like it would last forever. (Believe me, sometimes I wanted to speed time up.)

So since I am not Hiro Nakamura, what I have been doing to manage my own space/time continuum is trying to take mental snapshots when I get the chance.

I want to remember the way she laughs and holds her head close to mine when she is feeling warm and fuzzy.

Instead of getting frustrated when she wants to spend 20 minutes running around the car and trying to open it with my keys, I let her. I revel in the magical wonderment of keys and locks instead of tapping my foot and wishing she would just come inside with me so I can make dinner.

Last week I started taking baths with her again. I know this is a practice of many folks with their infants, but Annika always hated baths until recently so it was in and out for her with as little fanfare as possible.

But yeah, now she LOVES the bath. So we get in together and she keeps the water running filling her cups with it and dumping it on herself while I lounge in the deep end, amused by her fascination with pouring.

She has been learning so much lately. Every day she says even more new words and she is starting to say things that I didn't even know she knew! That is the magical wonderment of parenthood.

Additionally, with it being Christmastime, I have been thinking about traditions and wanting to make the right choices when it comes to memory-making for Annika.

I have been thinking that I want to make the month of December all about slowing down time, spending it with her and ensuring that her memories of Christmas are not just about presents, but about spending time with her loved ones.

Well that and believing in a fat guy who can fit down a chimney.

Yes Annika, there is a Santa Claus

Before I was a mother I always knew that if I had children I would never lie to them, that included Santa. I always figured that kids needed to know their parents told them the truth.

After Annika was born it remained a no-brainer. I always planned to play down the Santa part of Christmas and just tell her that it was a story when she was old enough to start asking questions.

Last year when Annika was an infant, I had this argument with a friend who couldn't believe how heartless I would be to deny my daughter the fantasy of Santa.

This year Annika is still not old enough to talk about it but something has changed in my way of thinking. I am now pondering the possibility that maybe she would like that fantasy and if done right it could really make for some wonderful childhood memories.

I was seven when I realized solidly that there was no Santa. I was floored. The way I found out was a pretty rude awakening.

There's a back story, so bear with me. My little brother was born at home by accident, my mother's labor had progressed quickly while she slept under the effects of a sleeping pill. When the panicked emergency calls went out, the first responders were firefighters. So they attended Chuck's birth, which was in May. Since he was her fourth child my mother didn't need much help and spent her final moments of labor ordering several sweaty firemen into the bathroom to wash their hands.

That Christmas Eve those sweaty guys showed up with the fire chief dressed as Santa in order to give my little brother a Teddy Bear.

I snuck out of bed and crouched by the bannister watching in awe as Santa held my baby brother in his arms. I was so excited! Santa was here and my older brother and sister were sleeping through it!

I could not wait to hold this one over their heads.

As I watched my parents wave goodbye to Santa I realized Santa and his elves were not getting into a sleigh at all, but a firetruck. Hmmm, I thought that Santa looked familiar.

I was confused. But I came to the awful conclusion that Santa wasn't real when my mother confirmed that those men were from the fire department as I listened to her relay the visit to someone over the phone.

Maybe I had already suspected it. I've always been a logical person. I do remember questioning just how Santa could make all those visits in one night.

But when I think back on it, I loved the fantasy. I remember listening for the reindeer hooves on the roof and insisting that I HAD heard them. I remember wshing I could visit Santa's toy factory. I wanted to be an elf.

Even though I eventually figured it out I am glad my parents promoted the story. If anything, I wish they had hyped it more, not less.

I've heard parents debate this topic, reasons that affect how new parents handle Santa almost always involve the way their parents handled it. It seems that the only angry memories involve parents who did not promote the Santa story. I have yet to hear any adult say, "Yeah, my parents LIED to me. Boy was I pissed when I found out there was no Santa Claus."

I only hope that when Annika does figure out the truth it will come gently.