tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-928691692997483316.post846213801011127881..comments2023-10-22T10:51:51.898-05:00Comments on Momsoap: Fate took a big crap on my head last weekMarthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16179017575408367896noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-928691692997483316.post-33054967653393826182009-10-07T22:20:49.271-05:002009-10-07T22:20:49.271-05:00Martha, the voices in my head say exactly the same...Martha, the voices in my head say exactly the same thing. I don't want to work for anyone but myself (well and Cavanaugh). I want to stay home with my kid. I also want to be dealing with the right here and now rather than projecting some stories about a turn that might occur in the future. <br /><br />The only thing I don't agree with is that fate took a crap on your head. It sounds much more like a gift in your path. I love that Sandy's method of Say What You See has gotten you to hear yourself. I need to practice a little more of that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-928691692997483316.post-69154539655025020082009-09-24T20:05:22.486-05:002009-09-24T20:05:22.486-05:00I am so bad at doing the SWYS. I find myself alwa...I am so bad at doing the SWYS. I find myself always wanting to offer praise to my daughter or comfort. I'm trying to work on it!Rondahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05915839151949053871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-928691692997483316.post-12044006672917304142009-09-22T22:56:59.512-05:002009-09-22T22:56:59.512-05:00Martha,
The vegetable example was close. What re...Martha,<br /><br />The vegetable example was close. What readers miss in a written article is how it sounds to SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS): http://tinyurl.com/SWYS-YouTube<br /><br />The purpose is to leave children truly feeling understood so they have no need to defend their position, in this case, their tastes. Once children know you understand, you can go on to problem-solving with CAN DOs. <br /><br />SWYS: "You really don't like that cauliflower! It tastes bad and smells yucky! You don't even want it in the same room with you, and there it is, sitting right there on your plate. And on top of that, somehow you have to find a way to eat it! Man!"<br />CAN DO: "Hmmm. Must be somewhere I can put it while you figure out a way to eat it without having to taste or smell it."<br /><br />I don't know how it would work on cauliflower, but my daughter ate her broccoli with ketchup on it for years. It worked for her because she was the one who came up with the solution.<br /><br />Check your boundaries, then let the child problem-solve to come up with solutions that work for you both. In the example of a distasteful vegetable, could you offer 2 veggie choices at each meal? Or maybe a special veggie-free day each week or month to celebrate your child's other tastes? CAN DO problem-solving at mealtime can take the power struggles out of the kitchen. CAN DOs all the time can take the power struggles out of your life.<br /><br />FYI: While it has the same roots as Ginott, etc, the SWYS approach is unique in it's simplicity: starting with SWYS (the same thing) every time, finding STRENGTHs in EVERYTHING your kids do (no kidding), and giving you a way to be on your child's side in problem solving with CAN DOs. No rewards or punishment; just pointing out your child's greatness and opening up possibilities. What guidance could be better than that?<br /><br />Plus, the SWYS approach makes all other relationship-based parent training more accessible. The greats like Ginott, Faber/Mazlish, Kohn, etc. have got the theory; we've got the simple how-to.Sandy Blackardhttp://www.languageoflistening.comnoreply@blogger.com